Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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