Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
