JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When did angry sex become our thing?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
