Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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