My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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