Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
