I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.