im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.