Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
