im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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