I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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