i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
