i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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