ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
