once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
