K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
