i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just want nice things and good sex
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
