No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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