I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
