I accidentally burped into my bong.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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