so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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