Christians are straight up FREAKS
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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