you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
