dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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