When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize