You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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