I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
