Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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