CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
