I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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