Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
