That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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