i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just want to make out with him forever
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
