I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
