just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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