Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's always time for handjobs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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