1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
