my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
