take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
