guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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