My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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