you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
