How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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