well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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