Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
