Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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