Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You have to summon your inner elephant
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
