just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
