please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
