Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
