The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize