I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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