I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
