I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
