Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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