you guys were way drunker than both of me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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