your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
