You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
