dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
