He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is classic penis vs brain.
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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