Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
