i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
