After last night, I could never be a politician.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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